If you're a loyal follower you've seen the lack of post and original content on the blog... it doesn't make me happy, but unfortunately life has been really demanding lately and the blog has (and will be) taking a back seat.
Earlier this year, I think it was late January or early February, my husband suffered a huge mental meltdown and ended up quitting his job. I wasn't worried... I thought he would be quick to dust himself off, shake it off and get back to work... but that didn't happen.
He has always struggled with depression and anxiety, but he spiraled downward really quickly. He'd have good days but more often than not, they were bad. He would sit home all day and spend money online that we didn't have... he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself. He'd feel guilty about it, which would make him more depressed, but then he'd turn around and sell something to make up for it (he's a musician and has spent years collecting instruments and gear, so he had some to spare)... but although it helped get bills paid, it was a vicious cycle.
So I took it upon myself to support our family. I work in insurance and don't make a ton of money, but with careful budget planning and some photography jobs on the side, I've made it work. But even more stressful than our money situation, was having to keep it together and not let anyone know how much I was struggling... putting on a brave face day in day out is harder than it looks.
Not only was I worried about my husband's well being and paying our bills on time, but I also had to keep our house cleaned, show up to my 9-5 job and take care of the kids. Memphis, our oldest, is high functioning autistic and Ruby is a typical 7 year old... no lack of drama in our house, I tell ya!
But I'm tough. And I don't give up on anything or anybody.
Earlier this summer, things got really bad with my husband and I did have to rush him to the hospital... I guess it was the proverbial "rock bottom" we all hear about. It's true when they say that things usually have to get worse before they better.
Since then, he has stopped spending irrationally, he's doing more around the house and his doctors are finally taking him seriously. He is in the early stages of being diagnosed as bipolar as well. So now we are working on getting the right medication and weekly therapy sessions with a psychologist. It's all coming full circle... I hope. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... it's small, but it's there!
He's happier, we're happier. At this time, he's still not ready to go back to work, so I have a while yet to go as sole provider, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get him healthy again.
If you've been through a similar situation or are going through something like this, I'd love to hear from you. It's nice knowing that we're not alone in our struggles and it's important to not be ashamed to have a mental illness... or love someone who does.