Friday, January 11, 2013

A How To Guide... Bon Bon Style

Guys, I am soooo excited to introduce Bonnie to you.
I only just met Bonnie recently.  She sponsored my blog.  A few weeks ago, 0ut of nowhere, I had this email pop up from passionfruitads with HER ad awaiting approval.
I hadn't visited her blog before, so of course I had to check her out.

I LOVED her immediately!
She's funny, quirky & fresh!

When she responded that she'd be up for a guest post, I knew it was going to rock... 
and it does!  Enjoy!


*************

Why hello there.
The name is Bonnie Blackburn Larsen and writing nonsense is my game.

I’m mostly just a little girl who is all of a sudden a grown, married, working, society-contributing woman who thinks she can still stay up late and shake her booty at night clubs.  But I can't.  Work nowadays, where I try to teach high schoolers the difference between a semi colon and a comma, starts at the unforgiving hour of 7 am.  So alas, my days of booty shaking are over.

I like ice cold diet cokes and boiling hot baths and stacks of books to read in my blankets when it's pouring rain outside.  I write my blog so that I won’t take life so seriously- it helps me to laugh at the ridiculous and to appreciate the beautiful.  Blog posts vary from avoiding traffic tickets to kitchen catastrophes to dirty conversations overheard in high school bathroom stalls.  You know, the juicy stuff.  


I don't know if you folks have noticed, but lately there's been a lot of bossy people on the internet!  Everywhere I turn people want to tell me how to do something!  How to make 20 meals in a crockpot in a month, how to design a felt pillow, how to turn on my man.  Well guess what?  I know a lot of stuff too!  I am a wealth of overflowing information.  So I introduce to you:

A How To Guide.  Bon Bon Style.

HOW TO:
Paint your toenails.
Take off all old nailpolish.
Clip nails if necessary.
Put on fresh nail polish.
Put a clear coat on the top to make it shiny. If that's what you're in to.
Don't put socks on until they're dry.
The last step is the most important- trust me on this one!

HOW TO:
Do laundry.
Throw clothes in washing machine.
Whites in one pile.
Darks in the other.
OR
Wash them in cold water and wash them all together.
When you hear the buzzer, move the clothes to the dryer.
Turn it on.
When the buzzer goes off again the clothes are done.
Oh.
I forgot to tell you to add detergent.
Add it to the washer, not the dryer.
That could be bad.
You can find detergent at any grocery store.

HOW TO:
Get seventeen year olds to like  you.
Get a twitter account
Make fun of the other teachers with them.
Shop at Forever 21.
Say something borderline inappropriate every once in a while.

HOW TO:
Get seventeen year olds to hate you.
Take away their cell phones.
Write them up for truancies when they leave class five minutes early.
Yell at them in front of the class when they do something out of line.
Send them to the principal's office when they drop the f bomb.

HOW TO:
Make dinner.
OPTION A
Chop an onion and fry it up.
Add meat to it.  Chicken or beef usually.
Twirl your spice rack thing around chosing at random which spices you want.  You really can't go wrong!
Cook until it smells burned.
Microwave a potato for ten minutes.
Eat potato with meat.

OPTION B
Order a pizza from Papa John's.
$10.76.
Feeds two people for two meals

HOW TO:
Seduce your man.
Cook dinner (I would suggest option B in this post.  Option A doesn't always turn out.)
Wear perfume
Laugh at everything he says
Tell him you will watch whatever he wants for the rest of the night.
Tell him his muscles are looking bigger.
Works every time.
Guaranteed.



HOW TO:
Love your life.
Don't take it too seriously.
Say thank you.
Take a bubble bath if you feel stressed.
Remember everybody's got probs.
Dye your hair if you feel so inclined.
Look in the mirror and repeat: "I am a sexy mama, I am a sexy mama, I am a sexy mama."

Just kidding about that last one.

Please.
Who would ever do that?

There you go folks!  You're not going to find much better advice than that on the whole world wide web, so you might as well hop on over to The Life of Bon for more incredibly insightful advice.  Or for a laugh.  Whatever floats your boat, people. 

See you soon?
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12 comments

  1. I adore Bon. So glad she was able to guest post for a day here. Happy Friday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahahaha. I love it. :) Checking out her blog now!

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