Thursday, October 13, 2011

What more can I do?

I've gone back & forth a lot about whether or not to post this.
I'm not worried about it being ''too personal'' necessarily... although I'm a private & quiet person by nature, I'd never be ashamed of who I am...
but the fact that this involves my son is what is holding me back.
I'm thinking I'll type it out, and worry about hitting (or not hitting) the 'publish' button when I'm done.
(so if you're reading this... I'm braver than I thought!)

Memphis has always been a really special little boy.  
No doubt that anyone who has met him has picked up on how unique and extraordinarily quirky he was... and is.  He's just one of those kids most people are drawn to...

What used to be little quirks that were "just the way he was" and not affecting his life or abilities have become increasingly worrisome.  We've gotten use to a lot of 'little' things over the years that we just brushed off as Memphis being Memphis. Lately, however, we've realized that this is much more than that.

We met with the school before he started kindergarten at the end of August to meet his principal and explain the problems we had been experiencing (since we weren't sure how his behaviors would manifest in a new environment).  We also met with our family doctor a couple weeks ago to address & make him aware of our concerns.
Without going into specifics, we all agreed that Memphis should see a child psychologist.
We are pretty sure there will eventually be a "diagnosis"... but as of right now, we have no idea what we're dealing with, and it's soooo sad to see him going through such a difficult time.  Not to mention how frustrating it is as a mother to not be able to identify what the problem is and help him.

Scary words like 
Autism
Tourettes
ADHD
have all being thrown around...
And it sucks.

These could just be ''worst case scenarios'' or ''just the beignning.''
Really, we have no idea.

Not to mention the fact that the entire process is alarminigly long.
'sigh'

The first step is to get a referral to see a pediatrician.
We live in a small town, and from what I gather, 2 pediatricians from the city take turns coming to the community only once every month or two!!
We saw our doctor, as I mentioned, and he said he would send the referral...
Unfortunately, though, nobody at his office can confirm whether or not the referral has been sent yet!

If we're lucky we might get in to the see the pediatrician in November...
but then who knows when we'll get in to see the pscyhologist!?
It seems like there are more people needing help nowadays, and LESS service.

We met with the school again yesterday.
They are going to do whatever they can to help Memphis with his special needs...
They want to create a space for him to go when he gets upset, for one.
Routines are important to him, so we are trying to remain consistent with techniques used within the school at home as well.  They sent us home with a timer to use... Keep HIS routine, but have US be in charge of it.

It is clear to everyone that Memphis is a very bright & intelligent, sympathetic, curious and loving child and we are concerned these behaviours will have a tremendous affect on his self-esteem and ability to learn while at school.

I know so many wonderful parents who have children with "special needs" and it's always so reassuring to hear that "it'll be okay."

I just love my little boy so much.
He has brought so much joy to our lives, and to others!
I hate to think that maybe people around town will judge him... because if you know him, you know he's a great kid.  Some might even be surprised to know that Memphis is having any difficulties at all because he is normally such a pleasure & a hoot to be around!
When he's having a good day, life is good.  That's the truth.
Those moments he ''loses it'' are scary and it saddens me that these are starting to overshadow all the good times (which are usually more often than not).

I just want him to get the help he needs now...

What more can I do!?!




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10 comments

  1. You are difinitely a brave one...I just can't get too personal on my blog. I am sorry for what you and your family are going through. I do hope that you and your son get the help he needs in a timely manner! How scary not knowing. ((hugs)) to you as you are going through this. ~

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  2. Wow Lena, I really feel for you. I have never been in that situation because Ethan is only 17 months old so I am sure I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling. Just know that you are doing the best you can for him.

    Is there an option to take him to the city to see a pediatrician? Maybe if you don't have to wait for them to come to you it could be faster?

    (Hugs) I am sure everything will work out!

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  3. {{Hugs}} to you Lena! You are a brave soul...
    I cannot imagine having to wait, and wait for a pediatrician. I agree with Jen, can you go over your doctors head and get him to the city on your own without the referral?
    I'm sure no matter what happens, and what road you decide to take things will un-wind and become more clear for you. No matter what Memphis knows you love him, and he loves you.

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  4. You are doing exactly what you can do! And taking the steps and having the courage to start toss process its just what your dear boy needed! Hugs!

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  5. thanks for sharing your heart. praying for your family!

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  6. You are brave! You should be confident for Memphis. In our house be never use the words speical needs, we use the words uniquely gifted. Sounds corny but its the little things right? My husband has a small case of tourettes and ADHD. Ethan also shows signs of having ADHD, I try and always treat him as normal as I can. Ethan is so so smart, espeically for his age so I focus on that. When Ethan was a little younger he would get really furusterated and so we taught him a few yoga breathing techniques that he can do, and that really helped. The other thing I do, is always listen to him. I am sure you do that as well. But anytime after I have given him trouble for anything I always ask him how he is feeling and if there is anything he would like me to know.

    Things will get easier as you find his rhythm.

    The only other advice I can give is don't let anyone bully you when it comes to his education. Jason was bounced back and forth between advanced and special needs classes for years and years, because him mom wasn't sure what to do other then listen. She told me that she wishes her voice would have been a lot louder.

    Hugs to you and your family and remember hearing a ''diagnosis'' doesn't change Memphis' personality.

    Sorry I went on so much lol

    xoxo

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  7. Oh Lena, I feel for you! This is one of those times when living in a small town sucks, right? The wait to get in with city doctors/specialists is always such a hassle...and takes soooo long. But it sounds like you're doing everything you can, and that the school is too. I hope it all works out for Memphis; that you get a diagnosis as quickly as possible (as scary as it might be) and then start to find ways to help him. I think he's going to be fine, having a mama like you to go to bat for him in all this. Wishing you and your family all the best!!

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  8. You are at the beginning of the journey. There is a load of uncertainty and it is scary. As a mom of a child on the autism spectrum, I can tell you that no matter what his diagnosis may be, he is still the same Memphis that you know and love. You will just learn to be better equipped to make his life easier. Email me anytime. I've been thinking of you.
    katie@spenceraudio.com (minivan diva) : )

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  9. I think you're doing EXACTLY what you should be. You're a wonderful mama and Memphis is blessed to have you as his.

    Thanks for being open and honest about this, Lena. I know it was hard but you have no idea who might be in the same situation as you who needed to hear exactly this, you know?

    Praying for you, sweet friend!

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  10. I went down this same journey with CJ a couple of years ago. It is a journey that once started, it never ends, but you and him will constantly grown and it will become the "norm".

    It can be scary, sad and when you finally get the diagnosis it will be those things and relief. You will be provided the tools to help him.

    If you EVER need an ear from someone that's been down the same road, I'm more than happy to listen :)

    You are a strong woman and a great mom and that is what he needs right now! You guys are in our prayers!

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